GOOGLE YOUR SHIZ HERE!

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Of loss and Grief

I lost my father last week from cardiac arrest.

And through the course of grieving I lost not a father but a meaning to life.

In just one blink of an eye, you are a memory, a matter that passed. All the false pretense of how to live, carry and hold your life was a big fat lie. The battles and pseudo triumphs you picked and lost to were fucked up imaginings that strain and drain your human body. That you are a slave to chemicals, your soul lives by the promise and result of chemical reactions. It all goes down  to this end of the road where you are nothing but a dead body left to be buried into the very same imaginings that evokes simultaneous reactions for chemicals to feed on neurons to make  the hormones of the ones you leave behind react into a blissful state of something. The end is cold. 

The end is cold.


Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Change in Humanity Activated

Donald Trump, Rodrigo Duterte, Radical Solutions and desolutions are openings for opportunities and change.

There is a change that humanity is craving beyond the systems that are in place. That is just how the way it is, until it is put in a box that people are accustomed to, it will always be the subject of confusion and hate to people who have a parallel understanding of how the universe works. Knowing this does not mean you are okay with it..just means stepping back and assesing is the way you can live along these changes while keeping your morals and beliefs intact. Reacting to the actions of people that operate within the change does not help create the balance of your life, it is the work that you do to further your understanding that will create harmony. There  will always be the inevitable and chaos.

I will discuss this in my blog as I go along.

Monday, September 5, 2016

Point to Point Bus: A Commuters Haven

So I was asked by my boss to come and report for work, first thing that came to my mind was, what time do I freaking leave my mom's house because MNL traffic situation has no chill at all, worst of it's kind? How can I travel as cheap as I can going to the place I need to go to that is as comfortable as I am in a chauffered service like Uber or Grab Car or even close?

I first saw this point to point service in ayala while I was dining out with my best  football buddy Rica and thought of trying it out the next time I am headed south.

I personally think that this will kill the muck out of the current shitty bus system.

So when I was presented an opportunity to travel southbound for work, I didn't miss a chance of riding this Point to Point shuttle service. For just 100 pesos I am able to enjoy pro's such as:

1.) Cruising just like how comfortable you would be in a car.
2.) Free Wi-Fi.
3.) Friendlier Bus Drivers
4.) Peaceful and safer compared to riding in a bus.
5.) More civilized passengers.
6.) Not much fear in taking a nap looking out protecting your bag from being slashed or pick pocketed.
7.) Your Morning Tv shows onboard because it has TV on board.

Cons:
1.) It is a non stop bus, you can't just stop to pee, eat or drink.

I think that is it for now. Until my next Point to Point bus adventure.

Sunday, September 4, 2016

Of Toddlers and Laptops

You are not a mother of a forever curious and smart toddler if your keyboard does not turn up as this:

I know I have a mom blog but Oh my brother, Taluli in his terible two's. Just the other day, this forever curious toddler took a trip with me to a place where there is a Koi pond and he was just in awe seeing the live  fishes. He started to throw stones, I panic in stopping him and patiently telling him how he should not be throwing stones as it will be painful if I did the same to him. Back and forth dude.

I eat (The place that had a koi pond happened to be a food place) 3 bites and all of a sudden this boy takes off his shoes, tells me he is going to swim I put down the spoon and run to grab this toddler and think of a way to sit him still.

But despite of this craziness, you  look into his face and every single crazy fit turns to a sweet smile.

How do you get mad at this cuteness?
Photo Credits to Barbara Santos and Richard Fruto of Fairview Bikers


Tuesday, May 3, 2016

I wish this will go away soon.

I miss you around me making me smile greeting me good morning
I miss you making me feel
I miss that I can just call you and you will be here and you would make me feel calm.
I still wake up around the same time that we both do 2-3 am I don't know If you still do.
you have been my sweet space
you made me feel really tender
and it was amazing
I don't know if it was amazing for you
I don't know if you felt what I felt.
but i had to stop it had to stop.
because you no longer wanted.
And I don't know how to cope with rejection.
I had to be. I have to let it go.
it is hard. I am counting the kilometers I spend biking in the places far away
I already ran miles but still the pain is just the same
I don't know when I will find or will I be found.
But what happens now is I have to clean up every little mess I made
Make up for all lost time that was brought about by my impulsiveness
Do my own personal responsibilities
With a hurt heart I know I will get over this.
I know I loved you deep as an ocean crave depth
in the short amount of time we spent
What matters now is I will continue to move.
Move as I can. Only a few people know how sad I am
but the sensitive ones know I'm lost
only a few know I am in pain.
I'm not banking on seeing you ever again though
But the next time someone tries to make me feel tender
I will guard my heart and my sanity harder.
I will work myself up to beat all my insecurities and be the best woman I can ever be.
I will use my head more next time.
And not give away too much of my time.
I am treating you as a lesson in life.
I wish all the negative feelings will go away very soon.
Because no one deserves to outshine my stars and my moon.

Thursday, April 7, 2016

Truth

Dear Boy,

It's easy to play on a fat girl with low self esteem

You won't live to regret anything.



Saturday, March 5, 2016

Maharlika Paradise: A Secret Pristine Preserved spot in Wawa Montalban.

I have been coming back to Maharlika Paradise, A DENR Protected site being cared for by Ang Kasama Inc., of the Samahang Maharlika Movement at Sitio Sabangan, Wawa Montalban, everytime I want a space out of the hustle and bustle of that Manila wildlife we are addicted to. It is here where
I plug in to the vibrations of the earth and it's bounty. I get to meditate a few hours and feel refreshed for the week ahead. It is a measly 25-35 minute walk from the Pamitian DENR office. It is a secret enclave known to some of the underground artists and famous writers that seek solace towards enlightenment. It is a half way house of the transitioning empowered soul, as I can call it.  

Beyond the peace and quiet that Maharlika Paradise has to offer, what drew me to this movement is the passion for uncovering the realities of one of our societies' lies. This was also the same fight that some of our predecessors have been fighting with including the late president Ferdinand Marcos. Bringing back the original foundation of our country from the spanish' Philippines to Maharlika. Not only that, our rich culture is so muddied by colonialism and all this isms that our roots are being compromised. Maharlika Paradise in general is a protected preservation of integral morals of our original citizenship.


In Lieu with this an annual "Maharlika Summit" is held in different places of the Philippines. This Summit will be held this year at Baguio City.



Back to the Paintings:


Through the goodness of my Meditation Mentor, Dada Deo Palma, I am able to channel my love for art through my expressed meditative strokes during my stay.

This was my Mural art Pre - Motherhood by the guesthouse way back 2013:

At this time I was with Lawrence my song writing buddy as he was my designated driver back then. How I miss lo's company. It's just he is in his cycle of life right now that we cannot control but would pass. 

And this is my mural in progress for the daycare kitchen:

This is Taluli and me while I was doing my mural:

I am very blessed to be able to share this experience and way of life to my son in my quest to have him live the freedom that he so greatly deserve.







Wednesday, March 2, 2016

I am a sucker for Lonely Love Poems

When I look at  Lang leav 's works, I have a very fond memory of my high school days. I made a poetry book about a boy I fucking adored with all my heart which I personally designed the cover, self bound  as my first personal published book that I kept to myself for myself. I bring it to school everyday and read it in my corner while I would steal a glance and feel my heart melt. Until the day that My favorite HS Teacher in the whole wide world Dugayo Jr JB stole ( or I was too sloppy to leave?) my very important book and published one of my poems in the school paper. I am forever grateful for that very embarrassing moment that turned out to be the best gift ever. That is when I gained confidence in expressing myself as an artist


Issues and Responsibilities

Aaargh!

I really don't know what I want. All I know is I stay in the here and now and here and now has a good day and a bad day. I do not know if someone as of yet has the capacity to be there in the days of my life where it will not all be sunshine and will remain the same in the good or bad times.  I never really wished for a boy to marry because it just did not make sense to me. I think of too much logic in things sometimes its too deep and only a handful of my friends including my mom dig it up with me.  I write shallow songs because I don't want to feel judged and raped just because I have exposed my reality. My feelings are so deep vast and unknown that I tread with caution.  I just wanted a guy so committed to be there for me every damn day, consistently accept these dark bits and pieces of me. This guy must understand that this keeps Me grounded. I don't need a man who makes 10 million or billion pesos a year or whatever figure because I know my capacity to out earn you any God Given day. All I want is an open minded fucker who can be another individual to be equal with me...a guy who doesn't get consumed with dualism..A guy who knows himself and is unafraid. It is as simple as it gets.

I was never lucky I thought to myself, but then again the truth is I write my own destiny. The last times my fear got the best of me I ran away and did an act of Houdini. I was a coward at this coming to the depths of relationship thing. I now decide to face this head on and for once stop being a poser for strength. I have a sense that this is somewhat different.

I am learning from my boss the art of getting through natures course without passing judgement. So I am exercising this now in my relations to this person I am dating.

Whatever is the result of this Isolation will take the next course of emotional freedom that I am about to undertake. 

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Do you believe
That 
IT IS POSSIBLE
TO LOVE
AND TO NOT

TRUST?
in this thought process lies the struggle.



Friday, January 1, 2016

Best Toddler Medicine Tool Ever.

So you have trouble just like me administering a toddler approaching their "terrible twos" Medicine of how many ML using a teaspoon or a medicine dropper?

Have no fear

|

This handy dandy super syringe is here.

20 pesos in Mercury drug. 20 times convenience

best Invention yet.

Dear Woman

So tell me something...my dear lover


Are your hands big enough
To hold a strong woman like me?