YOU PUSHED HER TOWARDS HER DEATH

She was running as fast as she could 

While no one was holding her down

Then someone came along to lift her up

You kept grabbing her by the arm 

Your words are like daggers 

Pinning her on the ground while she wanted to fly

She tried to escape so she can no longer be raped

By your abusive rants and cries

She kept changing her life so her future can be so bright

But the atmosphere of your existence was savage 

And energy so negative

That she cannot see the light

Now she is drowning alone 

Catching her life in deep breath

Her body now wretched and tired 

That you pushed her towards her death.

Why do I sing the songs that I sing? Why do I make the songs I make?

Why do I sing the songs that I sing? Why do I make the songs I make?

I kept thinking about that after my Jam session in Kooky Tuasons' show where in I was a guest along with 2 lifestyle geniuses.

Photo Courtesy of Bigkas Pilipinas

 I was asked by  AA Patawaran, Manila Bulletin's Lifestyle editor something to the effect of why do I make my songs. Afraid to explain a fair bit and call too much attention to myself, I resorted to explaining it in bits that would be interesting so I can avoid going down the path of dragging listeners to boredom.It was a funny version of the whole explanation as to why. It bothered me that I did not express my truth fully because I was afraid to draw too much attention to the place in my soul I secretly call my own.

Link to the 4 hour show here:

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=2337386626494279&id=249511228120

The fact is , that is a question that I am asked often. Kevin Roy asked me that in our joint gig in paranaque, Kuya Nitoy Adriano also asked me this as well, along with other musicians I worked with and I respond as funny as I can to be likeable.

I make songs to express my truth. I project an outgoing and extroverted persona to be liked in the superficial world but deep down inside I cry about questions that are unanswered in my life and what I go through. Do not bother handing me a joint because I will leave you down to my world of being happy rolling alone and that's just who I truly am. 

So going back to unanswered questions, It tires me rolling these questions in my head , scenarios and things I think to be true about my life that no one I know shares with me. My songs are my anchor to feel. I tune out my feelings when I deal with the world as I have to be or need to be or need to act for someone else to be able to survive. I always seek solace through my songs to remind my self of positive and negative feelings that I went through to stay real and grounded. It is my ultimate dream and happiness to have people help me color my music with life as they are all raw and dead down in my soundcloud. I want to make my song known for me to know if there are other people who think like me so I can gain a friend who understands me. I guess it is the same as how I deal with my life, my compositions are like a cry for help a cryptic suicide note waiting to be read and realized. It is both deep and dark at the same time that only I and my feelings can understand. At the end of the day these songs are what I am passionate about in my life. I have invested my travel times, holidays being locked up for days, idle time in bus rides, money and garage band studio time composing bits and pieces of my thoughts and feelings. 

How do I clasify my genre? 

Now that I think about it, I wanted to pretty much be triphop but it is turning out to be more in the side of sad core. These songs are more of my gut reserve , it depends on how you look at it, some people would call it dark and heavy some would be dizzy and confused while some will treat it as art, dark art. We all have some type of darkness in our life this is my ugly showing out in the world.In my songs i do not care if i use a different note or key from the rhythm of the music to the song I sing. In my songs I feel free to defy. My songs are not your standard and my competion level singing voice is not at play, some tunes off key but that is just me being free.

If we think and feel alike and you feel as though you feel me then give it a listen here:

https://m.soundcloud.com/theremymarie

I won the Mom game through "YouTube Baby Syndrome"

Taluli is now 4 and is in the age when he is super curious and super enjoying pretend play and that the only way to get him to pay attention is through relatable mediums like his favorite YouTube, Sci Fi and Supernatural. 

Every parent wants to manage a kid these days and part of this is giving them gadgets where they can play and watch YouTube, I know it is the worst thing you can do to a kid but because these kids are naturally seeking stimulus relating to anything that is in YouTube when a parent is absent and busy hence making YouTube an ally to these toddlers.

But when is enough, enough? I have noticed that Taluli started to sound like a YouTuber and would talk about anything that is in YouTube and adapt mannerisms, and expressions as exaggerated as a YouTuber would sound,  like a total disconnect to reality. That is when I already had to draw the line and think of ways on how to not necessary keep him off of the Tube, but limit his exposure to it. 

Taluli responds to stories within YouTube so I showed him a video of a kid that is weird and loud and a kid that was convulsing. When asked why these kids were acting that way I told him that," Honey, they watched too much YouTube and now they are suffering what is called the YOUTUBE BABY SYNDROME."

To give you a backgrounder, Taluli grew up a deep self thinker, he never listens not unless his validation process concludes that some one is right. He relies on his instincts so much that as a child, he only trusts his beliefs based on his experience and insights and I keep that a sacred trait which I pray never fades away. So true to form, as soon as I gave him the "YouTube Baby Syndrome" it had to take him a few hours to be able to believe that it exist and that it is  and knew that he already  accepted the fact once he started telling people that they had "YouTube Baby Syndrome" in his conversations.

So according to Taluli and how he understand what I meant, "YouTube Baby Syndrome" starts when you start talking and being an exaggerated YouTuber and that you have to be careful not to go to a point where your eyes roll and you start to shake. So since then, he was very mindful of his watch hours and reminds people not to watch YouTube too much so they won't have "YouTube Baby Syndrome". I won the Mom battle against YouTube. 

This my friend is a cause to celebrate with a glass of Red Wine. Single Mom Wins.

Bandwagon Post: My New Years Resolution

So everyone is on to their new year's resolution and I am sitting here having second thoughts as to what and how will I approach my "coming-into-my-forties" year which is just another year supposedly, but with bigger responsibilities. (uhm, Taluli is getting bigger wiser and full of dreams and promise that I gotta give a boy a better life besides what we have now)

At this time of my life, I finally have embraced my leadership skills and talent for figuring out shit from puzzle pieces that I do that as a full time career.  So heck I will lead my self now and figure shit out from the puzzle pieces of my own life and take full reign of my happier future. 

Pweh daming kuda! So on to my new year's resolution:

1.) I will try and bike to work so I will be back to my fitter self so I can eat what I want and have a reason to eat them, sans rice which killed my vibe so bad.

     I used to bike to work and saved so much and ate everything I want sans the rice. But when I (EXCUSES) started getting employment in wacko hours I stopped and hence the 40 kg now that I bear with me as a burden. So now, I will bike to work starting monday and cut on rice. Hello tokwa and lugaw for lunch.

2.) I will try to drink red wine instead of red horse more often.

    I know this is a tough one.

3.) I will Save money and Plan for my future.

2018 was a year when me and MS Excel became bestfriends that I was able to play around with it and changed my life. 2018 was also  the year where in I opened multiple bank accounts in preparation of. Now that it is 2019 and Taluli is going to finally start school, I have created a Spreadsheet entitled: RETIRING WOMAN'S BESTFRIEND 

If you wanna get a copy you may email me I will make one for you.

4.) I will make sure to blog as often as I can.

5.) I will support my son's vlogger dreams.

That is it for now.

xoxo

Remy Marie