The Attack of the Overwhelming
Last night was very bad. I had a panic attack. I sobbed and I sobbed and felt a cold burn in my chest and a numbing in my arms. I had to breathe through a paperbag just to calm myself down. This usually happens when I feel I almost am about to sink down an emotional hole. When I am to embark on an outpour of strong emotions such as anger, love, selfhate, dissapointment and total darkness. My brain goes bonkers and it gets uncontrollable from there. It used to be very scary now I have managed to ease the attacks for a shorter period of time. When this happens I shutdown. What I have is a very hyper active brain, trained to go zero to sixty most of the time. It was and always is, growing up as independent as I was. The only thing that I have in mind in calming it down passively is alcohol, when time is due and able I meditate or have a sober introspection where all the gunk is washed by terrible tears of a motherfucking 5 year old. After which all the excess emotional stuff g