Sunday , 9pm, October 27 2013 :)

There are times when you look back at your life and you find out all along that whatever that took you this far made you who you are to come to this point. This pregnancy has thought me things I learned about my self in 2 weeks than I ever did in 34 years, imagine that? It is making me love myself because there is a being that is your own that you are taking care of that requires you loving yourself the way you have never loved yourself ever before and you are sure as shit there is no way around it but that. Destiny and the people you meet along the way are no accidents so I have only forgiveness in my heart that I have. I know that jusr every bitter thought that comes across that make me pity myself is just the control dying because I didnt have it my way in particular situations where it was almost perfect in my thoughts.

You know what thought passed me? That all the while, I am enough and I am worthy and I will never ever sell my self short again to fill the void because there is no void. I am full of love and I am beautiful, I am special.

I am not together with the father of my kid. He has complications that I guess prompted him to go to the direction where some fruit happened, who am I to judge? I have always enjoyed his company and can say it was one of the happiest days of my life. I had to guard my heart for whats right, I know there are days that when I was with him and I was very happy, I was myself and it was warm and cozy and sometimes you would wish it was forever yours but you know it will not be because you know his heart is not the same way. It was something unsaid that you feel that made me look and look to find out further reasons why and therefore made a logical decision to shut it down. So i did and in my age and similar experiences and mistakes knew that it was right to shut it down. Why did I go this far is not to blame anyone nor my childhood nor my past relationships it is a gift and an eye opener. The situation that we stumbled upon was a gift individually.

I kept asking myself, why did I succumb to this? The only answer I have in mind is I found the comfort in a man who did not need anything from me and that I don't need anything from. I just got attracted to the fact that his kind is new to me and that the possibility of him loving me will be based on something raw, and that his inability to love me will stem into something I can work on for myself. So i rally had nothing to loose so I kind of jumped in. There was no hurt in knowing that.

Suffice to say, whatever happened, was meant to happen. I kid myself sometimes, God must know I am too stubborn that he had to give gifts of wisdom to be able for me to see his other gifts that I duly deserve. As I take care of this gift I will always think thankful, open and with outmost care whatever happens, happens.

Anywhoo, until the next preggy thought. I think this kid should have name that is similar to what was described. Gift. Destiny. Wisdom something to that effect yeah?

:)

Crying while eating a meatpie lol.

This is funny

Im eating a meatpie while waiting for my car to get washed and just one dramatic thought about my situation passed by, I burst into tears...taking a bite of the meat pie...wow. Hahaha.

My hormones must be raging

Damn.

Some things are just going to drastically change, because...

I am pregnant.

Yes. I am going to be a mom to a human and not only dogs. (Whew, finally.)

I decided to blog it so to have a release because I am finding out right now that my mental and emotional wiring are screaming shots wildly. It needs management. Im calling it a name. The control freak fanny or CFF

Im scared this control freak fanny resurface when situations are not great. CFF tunes in a lot and is hypersensitive towards judging situations and can hold a person or a crew emotionally hostaged. Now why did I say that? Because of the fact that now I am preggers CFF decides to resurface and take control and be always right about the why and the what of things, people around me will automatically have to deal and understand. CFF is a very wicked enemy a buy product of emotions which is very very nasty. Call it my primal fear in this next season. I know the solution though on how to kill CFF ...ask for help. Hahaha. So i messaged Dada Palma, my meditation mentor if I can spend time so I can continue our lesson in meditation. Helped me immensley during my anxiety attacks..

I decide to document my pregnancy so I can satisfy the need to be emotional so it creates an illusion for CFF to dump in on people so as to not cause any emotional weariness to the people around me. And to you guys I apologize head on because I know there will be times it will be really nasty and pregnancy is not an excuse to be not emotionally in control.

Truth Clippings: Forgiveness

Been a long time since I blogged. Well I would like to share a clipping from a book which was a good read yesterday that I'd like to take to heart regarding forgiveness. Here is the truth:

You’ve never been bad. Neither has anyone else. We all carry all the attributes of pure divinity of Source itself! In our essence we are the highest vibration of light and love. Likewise, you’ve never done anything wrong. Neither has anyone else. Everything that anyone has ever done has always been an attempt to take care of themselves with whatever inner resources they had at the time. This might be hard to take in because we are conditioned to make ourselves and each other wrong. To heal, we must learn to see ourselves and each other from the eyes of Source. And how does Source see us? With unlimited, unconditional love. It sees us as sparks of Itself who have come to this plane to go through experiences, make mistakes and learn from them. In each experience we have the choice to let go into love and learn to trust it or to contract and cause ourselves misery. Depending on how we “do” in each circumstance, we create the next set of circumstances. ALL of it is part of the larger curriculum of our Evolution – to awaken to our Divinity. And there is no judgment in any of it. There is only learning and love, learning and love…

Im good

http://soundcloud.com/theremymarie/good-morning-fresh

Desk of champions

Desk of champions LOL

posted from Bloggeroid

Kaya Green Band in Ska and Reggae Fest South Bar Las Pinas 05-18 Saturday See you all there!

Sa satarday May 18 mag kitakita tayo para sa ska and reggae night sa south bar..Kami ng Kaya Green will be jammin. Salamat! Muzikang Pinoy production "Southern Irie: SKA REGGAE NITE" featuring: -Dandimites -Oneluv stylee -Kaya Green Band -Fingertrap -Barrio Morning Glory -Red-Striped Suzie -Freedom Ave. feat. Royal South Soundsystem -Eganune -Skunks DJ Set by: DAVEMAN DJ MAY 18, Saturday. SOUTH BAR, Las Pinas City 7pm-onwards 100php entrance w/ 1 free beer its time to dance. spread the good vibes. jah lav.

Fun soccer sunday with LOS BORACHOS FC at the Ascom field for the Referees Cup

posted from Bloggeroid

hello from my phone

Hope this app works just fine

The real New Year resolution

Conquer everyday

1 to be able to write down goals for the day
2 achieve them
3 make myself feel good from waking up to sleeping time by watching motivational videos, reading motivAtional writing.
4 list five things that i am grateful about myself
5 list five things i am grateful for with the people around me

NOTE TO SELF

I asked myself, why do I keep saying I get hurt by men, I just go back in telling myself, BECAUSE I ALLOW THEM TO. And when I come to a realization that yeah I do. I pack my bags and move on. But if that constant cycle won't stop, I know I have a problem. I stopped and thought to myself, well, maybe because I was taking off from the responsibility of making myself happy confident and content and passing it over to somebody else. Well at the end of the day I have no person to blame than myself. It is time to get out there and get my own self confidence and not stop because someone offered a shoulder or a promise of forever.



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My personality assesment :)

You have completed the Big Five Personality Test, results calculated from your answers are below. Scores on each of the five traits range from 1 (low) to 5 (high). The percentile is what percent of other people who have taken this test you scored higher than.

http://personality-testing.info/tests/BIG5.php

Trait		Score	Percentile
Extraversion	2.4		24
		Extraversion reflects how much you are oriented towards things outside yourself and derive satisfaction from interacting with other people. [more]
Conscientiousness	2.6		14
		Conscientiousness reflects how careful you are, both in respect to orginization and rules. [more]
Neuroticism	1.2		1
		Neuroticism is the tendancy to experince negative emotions. [more]
Agreeableness	3.5		26
		Agreeableness reflects how much you like and try please others. [more]
Openness	3		5
		Openness reflects how much you seek out new experinces. [more]

Below is a graph of how other people have scored on this test.

Research

The big five personality traits have been some of the most researched constructs in psychology. Here is a summary of some of it and how it applies to you.

Neurobiology

Trait	Heritability
Openness	0.57
Extraversion	0.54
Conscientiousness	0.49
Neuroticism	0.48
Agreeableness	0.42

The big five personality traits have been found to have a significant biological component. A review by Bouchard and McGue (2002) found that variation in the traits was about half due to biology. Their exact values are tabled on the right.

DeYoung et. al. (2010) studied the size of areas of peoples brains in relationship to the big five and found "Extraversion covaried with volume of medial orbitofrontal cortex, a brain region involved in processing reward information. Neuroticism covaried with volume of brain regions associated with threat, punishment, and negative affect. Agreeableness covaried with volume in regions that process information about the intentions and mental states of other individuals. Conscientiousness covaried with volume in lateral prefrontal cortex, a region involved in planning and the voluntary control of behavior."