Just for the sudden feels

> I look back
> It's been a month
> And damn we moved so fast
> Surreal
> I love the fast paced life
> You chill me out
> And hold me down
> It is almost as if
> It was a perfect fit
> Of course I still have doubts
> Let me see, wait,
> You had me at food
> You had me at our total equal weirdness
> You had me at Passion man, you have passion
> You are more of a man than anyone with fake power see
> I don't know if you know that about you
> But I see it very clear
> And it draws me more to you
> To sum this up in one word
> is : Intense. This rhyme doesnt make no sense.

Psychedelic Bullet Train

You are a puzzle.

You are hard to handle.

You seem promising.

You seem unique.

You seem great.

We seem great.

You seem sincere.

So now we are here.

The Attack of the Overwhelming

Last night was very bad. I had a panic attack. I sobbed and I sobbed and felt a cold burn in my chest and a numbing in my arms. I had to breathe through a paperbag just to calm myself down.

This usually happens when I feel I almost am about to sink down an emotional hole. When I am to embark on an outpour of strong emotions such as anger, love, selfhate, dissapointment and total darkness.

My brain goes bonkers and it gets uncontrollable from there. It used to be very scary now I have managed to ease the attacks for a shorter period of time. When this happens I shutdown.

What I have is a very hyper active brain,  trained to go zero to sixty most of the time. It was and always is, growing up as independent as I was. The only thing that I have in mind in calming it down passively is alcohol, when time is due and able I meditate or have a sober introspection where all the gunk is washed by terrible tears of a motherfucking 5 year old. After which all the excess emotional stuff gets flushed out and I am ready to face the world again. I have always adapted this coping mechanism to extreme fear for most of my life. I know it has isolated me from my family and a lot of potential relationships because I did not want to be a burden to other people. I am a terrible people please machine.

It's hard to trust someone with this weakness, you feel all the world has a lot of things going on that you simply don't feel like a contributing member 24/7 so I just always feel the need to deal and try to get up again. And by thinking that way I learned to tame this down and cope with life.

As terrible as what's been going on the result of coping manifest as though I am the strongest of the strong, funnest of the fun and the person who has it all together. Inside, I am crumbling like a dry cake. What keeps me sane is knowing that the only entity that selflessly know and understand me is God, my own personal God. Hey, somebody owes to believe in something and I have pretty much established that after the worst panic attack of my life 8 years ago. I almost killed myself. I was 27 years old.

If you can relate, this wont go away easy I know. You just need to let it out of your system. Your thoughts are temporary.

Sharing this story is caring. There are a lot of people that die committing suicide not knowing whatever they feel.

Thoughts so dandy it's free

Bask in this shitty place in your current life,

And just like a Phoenix

 motherfucker you soon shall rise.

Phoenix ..Son!

I have enough motivation around me to keep me going. 

Shitty Relations. Bad Moves. Sweet Fatherless Son with a future of Gold. Fat Ass.

Yup son, this is going to be one hell of a ride to 40. 

UST FOOTBALL ALUMNI CHRISTMAS POTLUCK

November 29, Sunday is UST Legend Xmas POTLUCK Get Together

Where: Ateneo Ocampo Field

Time: 2:00 PM

Program: Friendly Game vs Blue Guards at 2pm

                Games and festivities thereafter

We encourage everyone to bring Food and Drinks to share.

We can bring stuff to grill like fish meat etc.

We have games for the kids and gifts to give away to each and every children participating.

So Please RSVP with your name and Children’s Names at 09176690222

Honest Review: Cinema One Originals: Baka Siguro Yata

I am not a Huge Cinema goer just like any geek out there, I stay on my couch and cruise along the internet for some documentaries and free stuff here and there  but this trailer made me watch this as a paying customer.

I thought this bearded guy was really funny in a Seth Rogen-ish kind of way and that combination of Ricky Davao and Cherie Gil was stunning. The banter and the acting of this short teaser appealed to me in a manner that I can relate to. I watch the lives of these types of most of the guy friends that I have and band mates who are 30 something happy go lucky fuckers that that get lucky and  turn their life around. I had to watch it in the big screen. So I called my friend Bambi and asked her to watch the movie with me. 

So this movie I'd like to call is a local version of knocked-up. I guess what made this really special is the fresh talent that is coming out of this film. I was surprised how good Bangs Garcia was in acting this girl I'm telling you got it going on and so as the sexual froshies who sang the annoying song that got my friend singing up until we head out to pick up cupcakes after the movie. I won't forget the Napoles guy who got his stoner wits going on and be exactly the way as my funny friends are. 

 The caliber energy of  the two pro's Cherie Gil and Ricky Davao who are very good at what they do supported the new cast on their comedic attempt to carry us to the plot of the movie and for these two veterans to be really funny in this movie was really refreshing to watch. I always had this image of Ricky Davao romancing another dude in a movie and Cherie Gil being a bitch so This was sort of a treat for me to watch.

The only thing I had with the Carlo Character is he shaved his full beard towards the end of the movie and he became less of the funny guy who's trying to be serious but more of this premature yuppie that got me all confused. I just felt incomplete towards the end.

It sure did not disappoint me though because I came to the theater with my half full bladder and I didn't skip a moment to pee. that my friend is a guarantee that this is a good movie aside from the fact that I'm a pro at doing Kegel exercises (TMI, I know). 

I would reco it as a cross border coming of age movie that you can ever watch.

Win a Beach Getaway for 2!!

Win A Beach Getaway Courtesy of Dove! 

For More info, Visit : THIS PAGE

Thanks #rustansbeautyaddict

 ‪#‎rustansbeautyaddict‬ ‪#‎narsbeautyad‬‪#‎bobbibrownbeauty‬ ‪#‎dermatologica‬ ‪#‎clarinsbeautyaddict‬ ‪#‎nuxeph‬‪#‎benefitbeautyph‬ ‪#‎laprairiebeauty‬ ‪#‎lauramercierph‬ ‪#‎sallyhansenph‬‪#‎mariobedescu‬ ‪#‎gendarme‬ ‪#‎compagniedeprovence‬ muah! Muah! And‪#‎rustansbeautysource‬ ‪#‎braunph‬ 

Best Doctors in the World. (A Repost Email from a friend)

(This is an email sent to me by a very good friend. He is 80 something years of age. yes I am friends with older people and these are very real platonic friendships. I learn so much from their wisdom. I have no idea who the author of this is but it sure is a good knowledge to pass on.)

As we grow older, and hence wiser, we slowly realize that wearing a $300. or $30.00 watch, they both tell the same time...

Whether we carry a $300 or $30.00 wallet/handbag, the amount of money inside is the same;



Whether we drink a bottle of $30 or $3.00 wine, the effect is the same;

Whether the house we live in is 30 or 300 sq.m. the loneliness is the same.


Hopefully, one day you will realize, your true inner happiness does not come-from the material things of this world.


Whether you fly first or economy class, if the plane goes down, you go down with it...


Therefore..I hope you realize, when you have mates, buddies and old friends, brothers and sisters, who you chat with, laugh with, talk with, have sing songs with, talk about north-south-east-west or heaven & earth, .... That is true happiness!!


Five Undeniable Facts of Life :


1. Don't educate your children to be rich. Educate them to be Happy. So when they grow up they will know the value of things not the price.


2. Best awarded words in London ... "Eat your food as your medicines.  Otherwise you have to eat medicines as your food"


3. The One who loves you will never leave you because even if there are 100 reasons to give up they will find one reason to hold on.


4. There is a big difference between a human being and being human. Only a few really understand it.


5. You are loved when you are born. You will be loved when you die. In between, You have to manage...!


If you just want to Walk Fast, Walk Alone..! But if you want to Walk Far, Walk Together..!!


Six Best Doctors in the World
  1. Sunlight
  2. Rest
  3. Exercise
  4. Diet
  5. Self Confidence
  6 . Friends
Maintain them in all stages of Life and enjoy healthy life.

Mid Life Crisis or so they say.

I am at a point in my life where age meets expectations and who you are and what you have lived for is judged before you get to the tipping age of exclusion from the society that would feed you long as you serve them, which is 37 that is. I am an age closer to that. That is a decade after my last self audit. After that I was free from the shackles of what bound me for a decade or more that put me up to this point. I am thankful for that journey now I feel as an ever evolving human being, I crave and am to live for change and a higher level of self which I am trying to figure out right now not by might, but by sight and open mind.

Welcome to the dirty world of Mid life crisis. Yes, it exist in women. Yes it currently exists here.

It is a point where everybody is too busy of their own shit to even listen to you talk your way out of your rut. Thank God there are blogs for the cheapo s like me. Thank God there are therapists for the people who can well afford it.

Unlike a decade ago, I was neurotic, sad and mad. I was too vulnerable, too naive and too shallow.

Today I am more brewing, watchful and thankful. there is so much peace in anticipation. there is more patience in looking for answers. there is more mistakes that bear bittersweet fruits that you smile or laugh about. (This may sound too cliche' but..) There we're never regrets, only lessons learned. There are more shamans to go to and cause you to be introspective, those people who act as your human "tums" who tame down the acid that cause you to unnecessarily vomit. like a 5 year old. There is a sweetie little pie called Taluli and a wonderful little dog called Pablito.

HAPPY 36th

I'm not much into the drama of things because I got so sick of that in my younger years.

But this is one day where I allow myself to go down to the bits of my soul and cry the most bittersweet tears that I best enjoy alone.

Pagbigyan nyo na ako sa GIF na to. Pwede mag feeling Angelina Jolie lang birthday naman?

It is about 11:48 PM September 18, in a few minutes I'm a year older. I am playing my Spotify Birthday Mix, which I built august and been playing solidly for a few days now.

Some things that are new and stimulating events that happened this year, I am really thankful to the God that works this universe for making the right fittings for my life in the right moments,  right times and has never ever failed me in this journey.

I am very thankful to T.G.T.W.T.U (to the God that works this universe) BECAUSE:

My most precious gift, Tala Elija, who is now a year and 3 months strong  is growing to be a very healthy,  smart, and sweet. He is becoming a ball of joy to all the lives he touches with his smile,and his simple adorable gesture of saying their name. His sweet baby kisses make my heart melt and the way he is as a kid makes me very happy. The way that this kid makes me strive to be a better person/ mother makes me very very grateful.

I am very thankful that I am weathering this rocky path to achievement in my professional and personal well being. I am also very thankful that I am given a very healthy disposition in my state of mind.

This is the part where I go back to my past blog posts and have a self assessment.

 

What I wish for:

I wish that Taluli will continue to be healthy and happy.

I wish that Taluli will have an open mind about a new daddy or a lack of one thereof.

I wish that finally I will gain back the confidence to believe that there is someone understanding enough that I can give my affection to.

I wish that Pablo will live longer.

I wish that things will come through particularly professional advancement this year.

I'll add as I go.

And oh A Perfect Song to Kick off an awesome Birthday Year: The Killers - Mr. Brightside played at exactly 12 am September Fucking 19. This is My 2015 Jam then.

SO CHEERS TO 36, THE LOVE OF LIFE, SOCCER, MY SON and MUSIC YOU DIRTY JUDGE MENTAL  MOTHERFUCKERS SEE YOU ON SUNDAY IN ASTORIA! 

Post Partum Coping

It's been a year and 3 months post partum, I felt I skipped the post partum blues because I went hyper social just not to get caught in the emotional chaos that they are talking about,

Saved my baby from the bad vibes as he is now a light to everybody's darkness, his smile is a beauty and his sweetness divine.

But lately, it has been taking a toll on my body. I am 100 pounds overweight and feeling the effects of any person who have undergone any surgery and all that drugs that came along with it, weakness, inability to focus, tingling sensation from the waist below specially in the right leg that started while I was 3 months pregs with the talulibugger . I seriously substituted feelings with either food or alcohol to drown out all the feelings that will affect my son. I think I have been doing this all my life and now the excuse is my son. Deep stuff. Shit. Anyway.

I am going to have my break through on this one,

Dear Followers of Iglesia ni Cristo

Dear Followers of Iglesia ni Cristo,

First let me say, I love you, I love how ever so fragile your hearts are for God that you chose allegiance towards this sector of religion even though as we all know, God is love and is free for anyone to take to their hearts, minds, deeds and what not.

I will not go as deep as a wells core here because it doesn't even matter now, you've ruined my experience of a saturday and hey my sunday too, (Thank you Mandaluyong City for granting permit to rally through your most profitable saturday and sunday your  long weekend mall going folks won't make it anymore, so pop goes your profits for 2 days, nice work!) where I am supposed to have a moment to take my son to places and enjoy and love his existence in this sham of a country called the Philippines where it is supposedly more fun to be in. 

Photo from inquirer.net, caption made with the more fun maker here: http://www.morefunmaker.com/entry/84555/

I know how you shout about the separation of church and state, I salute your boldness despite the fact that in truth, your much awaited political endorsement every election is somewhat a fanfare of local media with your statements flying across the broadsheets. This blog is an accurate statement of account of how the INC tried to influence our Political System.  

It is no wonder that presidential candidates of this coming election are squandering media time in allegiance to your actions, And why the fuck not? It is an easy 2.6 Percent of the voting population here in the Philippines they are trying to vie for. 

So stop casting that one big hell of a stone you are trying to throw the government JUST BECAUSE they started to get into your shit. If you just had the means to control your shitty situation within your crumbling hell of a  government, the vultures you speak of would not have poked their failing magnifying glasses on you. 



Your leaderships' steady acts of narcissism is driving you and not INC because the C in INC is Cristo and my knowledge of how Christ goes about his oppositions are in now way close to what you are trying to do here. What is being shown is the effects of a narcissistic leadership this show has been running for years when indeed push came to shove. Your ways were never 10 commandment-ish but rather close to this:

The seven deadly sins of narcissism were first described by psychotherapist Sandy Hotchkiss and they include the following: (Excerts from an article by By Dr Ananya Mandal, MD in http://www.news-medical.net/health/Seven-Deadly-Sins-of-Narcissism.aspx)

1. Shamelessness – Shame is the underlying factor in all cases of unhealthy narcissism. In a healthy person, shame is processed in a normal manner, whereas narcissists have difficulty processing this feeling in a healthy way. Narcissists also tend to inflict shame on other people, a concept referred to as projection.
2. Magical thinking – Narcissists tend to perceive themselves as perfect and flawless. The distorted thinking and illusion that causes narcissists to feel this way is referred to as magical thinking.
3. Arrogance – Arrogance and a disregard for other people’s feelings are typical characteristics of narcissism. Narcissists often have a low self esteem which they try to relieve by insulting or degrading others. This helps to re-inflate their ego when they are feeling deflated or lacking in worth.
4. Envy – Due to their sense of being superior to others, narcissists may feel insecure when faced with another person’s ability, which they may try to belittle by demonstrating contempt or dismissal of it.
5. Sense of entitlement – A sense of being perfect and superior means narcissists often expect to receive favorable treatment and for people to admire and agree with their opinions or actions. Failure to comply may be perceived as an attack on their authority and superiority. A person who flouts their authority is often considered to be a difficult or awkward person by the narcissist, who will proceed to demean them or their opinion, especially in front of others. Defiance can also trigger anger in the narcissist which is referred to as “narcissistic rage.”
6. Exploitation – This refers to the narcissist’s tendency to exploit others and show no regard or empathy for their emotions or interests. This often occurs when the other person is in a subservient position, where it is awkward or impossible to resist the narcissist. On some occasions, this subservience is only assumed rather than real.
7. Lack of boundaries – Most narcissists fail to understand their boundaries and recognise that other people are individuals rather than extensions of themselves. Those who support the self-esteem of the narcissist are expected to always do so, with the narcissist failing to recognize the independence of the other person.

And by saying this, my heart forgives you. Stupid people succumb to stupid things just as how we were like as babies, and I know it is stupid of me to write this letter to you because it shows that you are somewhat succeeding in affecting bigots like me who now at least try to engage you in a manner of how  religious sects exercise  opposition of other people's views that are not akin to theirs and the sarcasm that fill the gap of nothingness,

If I had God like powers in my hands I would like to name your existence right now in Mandaluyong as  INC (Irony Ni Cristo). I know it's corny, but yeah. I'm corny, I am a corny stupid pleading monkey and you have got nothing on me.

Sinsarcastically yours and I know it's not a word,

The EMO Thinker dumpeth.

How to Reserve a Company name online in the Philippines 2015

I have been learning how to reserve company names for my boss and I did not know how easy it is to do that in the Philippines not until today. I figured I should give you a step by step procedure in how to check a company name prior to Securities and Exchange Commission (S.E.C) registration.

STEP 1.  Go to http://www.sec.gov.ph

 

STEP 2.  Select Reserve A Company Name 

 

STEP 3.  You will be prompted to the SEC i-register page. Click to the part where it says "PROCEED"

*take a look at the notice in this page so you won't end up making a mistake in your name reservation payment. 

STEP 4:  You will be prompted to the SEC i-Register Version 2 Facility. Once you are already done reading that it is all about,  press "Continue":

STEP 5: Welcome to the SEC i-register page, if you are a 1st time user, you should register .

STEP 6: This is what the "Sign up now " page looks like.

STEP 7: Once you successfully have registered, CONGRATULATIONS! You are well on your way into reserving a company name, but first, Click on the terms and conditions.

STEP 8: If you have no qualms about it, then hit "accept". 

STEP 9: You will be prompted to this page afterwards. 

This is a difficult one, as any other Filipino website giving instructions are. 

There is a whole gamut of classifications in this particular part of the portal that can confuse you profusely.

My opinion, if it is not particularly a ltd corp a foundation or something particular but just want to check if the name is okay, I suggest you hit "Stock Corporation", 

STEP 10: This next page will make your eyes roll. I'll make it easy for you. HIT "Continue" button.

STEP 11: THERE . You can now type the industry you feel you best fit in the "Search Industry" Portion below.

STEP 12: In my case I typed : SERVICES and here is what I got: 

THERE! Just what I was Looking for: Advertising Services, see that?

STEP 13: So I clicked on Advertising Services and my choice got isolated here. So I would Click "Continue":

STEP 14 : Now that I am done with that hell of an industry picking, I FINALLY GET TO CHECK THE NAME " Banana Mango Studios Inc." I'd hit  "Continue".

STEP 15: Failed, So much Names with the words Banana Mango Studios. I would then try: BMS Rebranding Experts Inc.

STEP 16: And the Name "Passsed"! \I am well on my way into registering my Advertrising Services Business as "BMS REBRANDING EXPERTS INC"

STEP 17: Since we just registered as a user to register a name, we have to make a user profile:

STEP 18: We then go on now to finish the details of our Name reservation:

Select the duration of reservation and method of payment for your company name. Enter the name of the person who is reserving the current company name on the Reserved By field.

STEP 19: Make sure that your Reservation Details are correct. Click Submit to finalize the reservation. Once you are sure, hit the "Submit" button. If you want to make changes, you can always hit "back".

STEP 20: You made it to the first step of your entrepreneurial adventure girl! You were able to survive this daunting and confusing task of reserving a company name.

DONT FORGET TO PRINT THIS CERTIFICATE AND PAY YOUR RESERVATION FEE ASAP. 

They need some stamp on it to make it legit. 

You are all welcome.

Thirty Six and Close to forty.

I am close to my forties, been running around like a drunk ass lost soul, still a frustrated songwriter who can't keep a band together, a frustrated designer, who's just made 2 pieces of clothing, a frustrated nerd who is trying to learn to code, a frustrated dieter who loves to drink her beer and a frustrated guitar player who can't sing and play the guitar at the same time. A single woman without a wing man.

That's me awkward for pictures, PHOTO TAKEN BY: NIKON CELIS. And that's Gino my sometimes asshole friend.

I am getting old sitting through my flaws, make fun of it and or try to wait for a breakthrough.

I am not the kind who gives up though. I constantly fight through everyday. I believe in the power of seeking for a breakthrough.

I was not raised properly by parents so I kind of had to figure out stuff on my own, with the help of my circumstances. It wasn't my parents fault, I chose what I chose. I chose independence and with closed eyes I jumped in that opportunity, 18 years old onward. I lived in the houses that I lived, met the friends that I met, fucked the guys that I fucked, worked the jobs that I took went to the church that I went to.

What stuff did I figure out so far? Well I figured out how to play the guitar, drive a car, be a mother, be loving to another human being and taking care of an animal.

Along the way, taken cared of as if some hand was directing me with my closed eyes always to that path of safety and happiness. And with that I am very grateful for.

That is why I know for sure that I will not end up killing myself.

But as human as I am, I always crave for a breakthrough. And even if this essay wouldn't seem to be the case, believe it or not I am very excited to be thirty six and close to forty.

Banana Mango Project

 

I am going to talk about this new venture we have it's called Banana Mango, its a network of design and advertising specialist and we take on jobs that involves total rebranding, website design and conceptualization to simple graphic design jobs.

You can visit our website at : http://www.banana-mango.com

 

 

To the Overcast Skies that attempt to set me back at some point.

There are certain people and events that impact a persons life, and I won't deny the fact that those years of spending my youth and energy into the madness of you had made a huge impact in my life. It was one of the pivotal moments of my self discovery. It is when I knew I had the capability to impart and give away my whole damn self in a seemingly unselfish manner, or so I believe have been. It has also caused a trauma that I am working on right now in my life. Its not bad on you, but it was the cost of my all out expedition beyond my fears. I let it all out and now I have to learn how to manage it like a sane human being without concerning myself with other people's opinion of me and what I am made of.

I am a very insecure person, that is my weakness, this has heightened into the ideal of me being liked by you and eventually hopefully loved but was unclear. I know you chose unclear because I feed your ego with the joy of some person you don't care who will worship you like a motherfucker. I understood that concept eventually after some deep journey and self analysis. I am in the journey now of loving myself in staying away from the likes of you who I have come to attract. I have built a standard of avoidance towards your liking and have led me to numerous relationships after you that only lasted a week, a few months to a length of a year.

You must understand that it I am not Mad at you, nor angry..we are simply each others casualties of each of our self discoveries. I am just being a good sport in this thing called life that I wanted to at least get to know my spirit's enemy.

I promised myself and my son that I would always have love for people and no room and space for hate. I would have a room full of dislikes but my brain will always be open and as my heart to accepting ideals and beliefs by and  with protecting my own special space that only my son and I will share.

I am not closing my door to the future. I am simply closing my door to the lack of clarity that a certain person or type of individual might add in. I have built gauges not cages so anybody is welcome. Let us all be joyful and happy.