Thirty Six and Close to forty.

I am close to my forties, been running around like a drunk ass lost soul, still a frustrated songwriter who can't keep a band together, a frustrated designer, who's just made 2 pieces of clothing, a frustrated nerd who is trying to learn to code, a frustrated dieter who loves to drink her beer and a frustrated guitar player who can't sing and play the guitar at the same time. A single woman without a wing man.

That's me awkward for pictures, PHOTO TAKEN BY: NIKON CELIS. And that's Gino my sometimes asshole friend.

I am getting old sitting through my flaws, make fun of it and or try to wait for a breakthrough.

I am not the kind who gives up though. I constantly fight through everyday. I believe in the power of seeking for a breakthrough.

I was not raised properly by parents so I kind of had to figure out stuff on my own, with the help of my circumstances. It wasn't my parents fault, I chose what I chose. I chose independence and with closed eyes I jumped in that opportunity, 18 years old onward. I lived in the houses that I lived, met the friends that I met, fucked the guys that I fucked, worked the jobs that I took went to the church that I went to.

What stuff did I figure out so far? Well I figured out how to play the guitar, drive a car, be a mother, be loving to another human being and taking care of an animal.

Along the way, taken cared of as if some hand was directing me with my closed eyes always to that path of safety and happiness. And with that I am very grateful for.

That is why I know for sure that I will not end up killing myself.

But as human as I am, I always crave for a breakthrough. And even if this essay wouldn't seem to be the case, believe it or not I am very excited to be thirty six and close to forty.