I had a three day stint in Tacloban and I must say it was not a vacation but more of a not so comfortable feeling. I was happy at most parts but this is not home anymore.
What I love about my trip is how I have seen my brothers growing up, Joma for growing up to be a responsible man, a man of his own a man with a dream and a man who has broken out of feeling sorry for himself. I love the man he has become. It's not a sappy relationship between him and I but I have come to love the man he became. He is graduating college this year. This Kid is a thankful kid, his character was built up a big deal on how he is now.
As for Jolo, I have to wait to see, as of this moment he is held from the wit he uses on his own accord to suit his own wants and needs, has weird sisters spoiling his mind and heart to becoming a dysfunctional kid. But with me he cannot act the way he acts with other people, he cannot play the games he play. There is an awful lot of enabling happening to this kid.
I have learned a whole lot about my self on this trip. How I still have not mastered the art of waiting and trusting. Being here was a good gauge of where I am at on that weakness. I struggled a whole deal of control and worry that led me to places in my head where I had to think of getting my own grip, going back to the thought was a very unhappy feeling. In that space is very very dark and I hate it. Why do I keep coming back there?
I have decided instead to send myself over that I start sending them over. I have always come to think that I can build something with my dad, but I realize this is beyond my control. For now I cannot raise the dead.
The best thing of all is I get to be with my mother.She has Life.I love her and She is a fighter.
I come home with them on my mind.
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